Inner Pessimism

24 Sep

I’m a really optimistic and positive person on the outside because I live to serve others and my service is to entertain them and keep them happy. But internally I am very negative and at times I feel like I can’t trust anyone or anything.

When I was a fairly young child, I put all of my faith into the only friend I had, Adam.

Soon after he broke my trust and I started heading down a path of pessimism and black moods. During middle school I noticed that every day was exactly the same- I was always untrusting, downtrodden and had “twitchy” anxiety. Of course, I always exerted happiness and positiveness to make everyone else happy. Occasionally I would snap and say something cynical, or threat someone. I remember during a fight I had with a past boyfriend, I told him I was leaving, he threatened me, and then I went completely psycho on him, determined to ruin his life.

I’m not that way anymore, and I’ve decided to let some of my sadness slip through and let go of it before it builds up again.

What I’m trying to say is, don’t be afraid to be sad. I was always ashamed of my sadness, and that didn’t help me one bit. Let it go before it gets worse.


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